Baby, Honey, Darling

I couldn't cry last night. I really wanted to but my eyes had no spare tears to make me feel better.

Not even a drop of tear. I closed my eyes really hard and tried to squeeze the tears out.

I had to be satisfied with a blank stare. An empty stare. A foolish heart. Once again I let my heart take a beating, and boy was it a tough one. But now I've found my place. and it is not with him. Yet this is a lonely dedication to him.

Baby, you and I look great together. Your hug is perfect for this miserable weather.

Out of all the people, I secretly hoped it would be you, who would take the lead and together we can conquer the world.

You smiled, I looked deep into your eyes, and there it is, paradise. Built just for us. When you took me by the hand, that's when I surrendered everything of me to you.

Honey, when you let go of my hand and went the other way, I closed my eyes and ran for cover.

I waited for your return but you never did, so I said hello to darkness and goodbye to sunshine.

It happened so quick, you came, built me shelter and you burned it down before I could even rest my tired eyes.

Darling, I am too tired to lift my head up. I just want to sit here and hold the nothingness that once was something. You changed your tune so I pressed mute. My whole life stopped. I thought you loved me. I really did. And my heart will eventually learn to forget how you loved me.

Blinded by what they call crystals

Reading my past writings, it is safe to assume I am such a depressing person! but I'm NOT! for some reason pain is much more easier to describe in words than joy.

My joy is shared with my family and friends, leaving no room for me to write.

My pain haunts me, as AFI wrote in their song "This time imperfect", pain really "cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams".

Just when I think I've experienced enough heartbreaks, another one comes along, yet it doesn't mean I've given up on HOPE. I'm positive I'm coming closer to meeting the one after all these trials and errors!! Then again sometimes I think to myself, "Why does having someone really matter?" well the answer to me is simple. I want to love and be loved. And I do believe having the right person for me will make MY life complete. Nobody else, but MY life. Some people don't feel the need to have somebody, some people might find company can suffocate or hinder them for achieving their personal/professional goals in life.

For me, I simply feel that I am ready to commit and give everything I can for someone I absolutely care about. I like the idea of spoiling someone and of course I love being spoiled too!!! I know they say don't look for love, but if I don't look that means I'm not trying to get what I want. Hmm...

Anyway, I'll stop ranting and sing along to AFI for now.

"This time imperfect" is one of my all time favorite AFI songs, the full lyrics go:

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay,
Forever haunted, more than afraid,
Asphyxiate on words I would say,
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue,

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find,
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me,


I cannot stay here, I cannot leave,
Just like all I loved, I'm make-believe,
Imagined heart, I disappear,
Seems...no one will appear here and make me real,

There are no flowers, no, not this time,
There will be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words I find,
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this hurts me,

I'd tell you how it haunts me,
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams)
I'd tell you that it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams)
You don't care that it haunts me,

Oh!
There are no flowers, no, not this time,
There will be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words I find,
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this hurts me,
Just how much this hurts me,
Just how much you...