tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90612922024-03-14T03:46:09.037+10:00A Teaspoon of ThoughtsRandom thoughts. Poetry. Lyrics. Music. Pain. Journey. Happiness. Madness. Love. Bitterness.AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.comBlogger65125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-72650046158282993132015-07-20T23:40:00.000+10:002015-07-20T23:40:55.754+10:00Confusion. Decision. Oh yes I'm back to my old habits... It only took me over a year to revisit this very sad blog. I used to love writing so much. I wonder why I never feel like I have time to write. Gone are the good ol' days where I would just drive to nowhere. Take my notebook and pen out and just start writing. Anyway I'm writing now!<br />
<br />
I am confused. I am sad. I am happy. I am undecided. Most of the time I want the world to swallow my problem. I need to decide. Soon. For my own sanity. For my life. AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-31592879291459175692014-05-04T22:24:00.001+10:002014-05-04T22:24:01.411+10:00Jake Bugg - Someone Told Me (Acoustic)<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/VJovqpbjpao" width="480"></iframe><br /><br />
<br /><br />
<em><span style="background-color: magenta;"><strong>"Broke my heart when I knew, that I could never be with you"</strong></span></em>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-60767283494851574122014-05-04T22:20:00.003+10:002014-05-04T22:20:45.933+10:00Next chapter in life will unfold..Oh boy..every single time I say I will dedicate time to write well, guess what? I lied! I haven't found time to even find myself let alone writing..<br />
<br />
I'm at a point in life where sadly work no longer brings me joy or a sense of accomplishment, instead it brings misery and self-doubt.<br />
I am doing something about it, I am trying my hardest to change. The moment I realized that my job no longer brings satisfaction when I come home then it is time for me to leave.<br />
I am one of those people who need to be inspired to continue but for the last 4 months all I'm feeling is a lack of confidence and a sense of failure. This is mainly due to a lack of direction from management and other people wanting to put their two cents in everything, like EVERYTHING!!<br />
<br />
When work becomes my whole life then that's where I need to hit the brakes and reassess what exactly do I want out of life? A work life balance and a sense of achievement. I've always been that way and nothing will stop me! <br />
<br />
Toxic and negative people can try all they want to destroy me but guess what??? There will come a time where you will get what you deserve...#justsayin <br />
#JusticeintheWorkplace<br />
<br />
I no doubt will find the next challenge in life. Cheers to that!<br />
<br />
<br />
AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-19594216375317378672013-10-03T23:38:00.001+10:002013-10-03T23:38:12.005+10:00Tonight I thought of the pastTonight is the first night in a very long time did my mind wander off and found its way to the past.<br />
The painful past. The ache. The tears. I don't know why.<br />
But I am happy now. Happier so I should say. <br />
This city wraps me with loneliness. Nowhere to go. Nobody to talk to. <br />
Sad.<br />
Pathetic.<br />
Boo Hoo Hoo.<br />
<br />
I should never have listened to Beyoncé!!! AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-36319719884065031192013-08-14T21:15:00.001+10:002013-08-14T21:15:37.754+10:00Hurts - Guilt (lyrics)<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/1-JpguyHdFY" width="459"></iframe><br />
<br />
I am happy now. Thank you.AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-16770359902437402802013-04-04T00:50:00.003+10:002013-04-04T00:50:38.905+10:00It's almost been a year since I've postedHello...<br />
<br />
It's almost been a year since I visited this page.<br />
<br />
How time flies...well it's a new beginning for me, a very exciting one I must add!<br />
will continue this when it's not 1:50am.<br />
<br />
One thing I will say is that I miss loving somebody...that is all for now.AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-72626210939661085582012-07-15T23:00:00.002+10:002013-04-04T00:51:41.741+10:00TangledLife has a strange way of teaching me to grow up. Mom has always said to me "You are my daughter who unfortunately has to hit rock bottom first before bouncing back up strong" . I obviously don't do things half-assed. Never have and never will.<br />
<br />
My job is a perfect example. I am passionate about what I do and I am ambitious. I never dreamed of being a housewife. Never underestimate the power of a woman! <insert (run="" ?girls="" beyonce?s="" empowering="" girl="" song..preferably="" the="" world)?=""></insert><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-15767718840057998822012-06-10T23:32:00.001+10:002012-06-10T23:44:10.852+10:00Haunting lyrics<div style="text-align: justify;">
<strong>I want to share the video and lyrics to one of my favorite Indonesian bands called "Peterpan". This song is about a disappointed man over his cheating girlfriend. He wants to watch her suffer. Don't we all if we have a cheating partner?</strong></div>
<br />
I didn't translate these myself, I have <a href="http://peterpan.awardspace.com/">http://peterpan.awardspace.com/</a> to thank for the lyrics.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/EGXniVSfSZE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
<br /><br />
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Behind me<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><o:p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> </span></o:p></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">You embrace me before you kill me<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">You smile as you watch me watching you<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">You're waiting for me to fall<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Each step is aimed, faithful in my contemplation</span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm (waiting for you) x3 to die<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">In front of me, in front of me, in front of me</span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">You embrace me before you kill me<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">You smile as you watch me watching you</span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm (waiting for you) x3 to die<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">In front of me, in front of me, in front of me</span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">What are you doing behind my back<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Why don't you show me<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">What are you doing behind my back<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Behind my back 3x<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Behind my back</span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm (waiting for you) x3 to die<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<pre><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">In front of me, in front of me, in front of me<o:p></o:p></span></b></pre>
<br />
<strong><u>The actual lyrics to the song</u></strong><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Di Belakangku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Kau peluk aku sebelum membunuhku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Tersenyum melihatku merenung melihatmu<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Kau menungguku menunggu ku terjatuh<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Setiap langkah tertuju setia dalam renungku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Aku menunggumu menunggumu menunggumu mati<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Didepanku didepanku didepanku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Kau peluk aku sebelum membunuhku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Tersenyum melihatku merenung melihatmu<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Aku menunggumu menunggumu menunggumu mati<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Didepanku didepanku didepanku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Apa yang kau lakukan dibelakangku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Mengapa tak kau tunjukkan dihadapanku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Apa yang kau lakukan dibelakangku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Dibelakangku dibelakangku dibelakangku?.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Dibelakangku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Aku menunggumu menunggumu menunggumu mati<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 5pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Didepanku didepanku didepanku<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; tab-stops: 45.8pt 91.6pt 137.4pt 183.2pt 229.0pt 274.8pt 320.6pt 366.4pt 412.2pt 458.0pt 503.8pt 549.6pt 595.4pt 641.2pt 687.0pt 732.8pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-2282261226758435582012-06-10T23:12:00.001+10:002012-06-10T23:12:32.123+10:00I remain alone<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Once again I'm back to square one. To me, being alone is the most comfortable place I have ever been. I can't say it's the most enjoyable place but it is safe to say it is the place where I am able to excel, able to focus and able to achieve SOME of my goals in life. Can I say I'm ambitious? Most definitely. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I won't go without a fight, unless of course I enter a battle I cannot possibly win, but then again, who can predict the outcome? I, for one, have famously failed over and over again. What I have yet to lose is my spirit to fight.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What am I talking about? I'm talking about life. My life, to be specific. My life consist of mainly heartaches and despair lately. Then again, my life also consist of the joy of being a winner in other aspects, such as the successes I've achieved in my job, the great relationships I've built with my peers, not to mention the fact I am officially a proud owner of an apartment. Free of mortgage. Yes, I am officially a free person!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Then again, what is it about a broken heart that consumes almost entirely my thoughts? It runs deep into my veins and I fall helplessly in tears wondering what it is I must do to conquer my hungry thirst for love. Truth is, I don't even know how to conquer love and this makes an interesting and impossible challenge. Numerous methods have been tried and tested, but the result remains the same.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I remain alone. I must admit, there are times where I am envious of those committed in a loving relationship and secretly wishing I had someone I can call my partner.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have gone through various ways to deal with my heartaches. First comes the tears, then comes the self blame...a few short moments later comes self-pity. Ahhh...good ol' self-pity. This is not good for the soul. It eats you alive in your dreams. Trust me, I've gone through it sooo many times. I cry myself to sleep thinking why I'm not sufficient for a man. For most of it, I blame my personality, such as perhaps I'm not wifey material. Perhaps the fact I am unable to cook is the sole reason I am unable to sustain a man in my life. Foolish, when I look back now. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The other ways I've tried to deal with my heartaches is to fight back, or pretend to fight back I shall say. Who am I kidding? the dude's gone. He won't actually care if I've had my hair colored 2 shades lighter!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">He most definitely won't care if I've done 100 squats a day and now have buns of steel. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I didn't win his heart, did I? NO! So...the fight doesn't last long..I tend to fall back to my trusty pillow and weep. Oh tears, what would I do without you? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Now I succumb to my heartaches and pray that time will sweep them all away. They do vanish..eventually. It's just a battle between my brain to stay as functional as possible at work and amongst my friends and my heart to stay where it belongs and accept the fact that I am yet to conquer love. Yes, til then I remain alone.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuTKlXgfpspXkUxhIl11N8MO6aoN-8Btu9O91mFxXjhd-X0biKPOlPvH-B_dtFwUj1X71QP49OJ3hyphenhyphenkEyatXejR8RXZz8PGOM5IxzUq6rK6EFrRRLAdvPUn5mxj3KX4eaU9QiuJQ/s1600/Paris1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Aurora" border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuTKlXgfpspXkUxhIl11N8MO6aoN-8Btu9O91mFxXjhd-X0biKPOlPvH-B_dtFwUj1X71QP49OJ3hyphenhyphenkEyatXejR8RXZz8PGOM5IxzUq6rK6EFrRRLAdvPUn5mxj3KX4eaU9QiuJQ/s400/Paris1.jpg" title="Aurora" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em><strong>In a crowd..I remain alone</strong></em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-34273627746805990462012-04-16T22:56:00.000+10:002012-04-16T22:56:46.675+10:00Berlin, Germany.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZe9dU1OkO8krIwDADBE-nXq9Udydb0-0gesVwsKtf-oa3QSB4WQ4SQBTJgJfIZPjjSX6ayxyIAGP9BWj1eX5ENT26TsMnFHWHXoix1RzwdWXlO_S_NQMX7JvRSWTBjRZbtGRQVg/s1600/IMG_4514.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZe9dU1OkO8krIwDADBE-nXq9Udydb0-0gesVwsKtf-oa3QSB4WQ4SQBTJgJfIZPjjSX6ayxyIAGP9BWj1eX5ENT26TsMnFHWHXoix1RzwdWXlO_S_NQMX7JvRSWTBjRZbtGRQVg/s320/IMG_4514.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I will move to Berlin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all.</span></strong></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-3583525217929136332012-04-11T00:41:00.000+10:002012-04-11T00:41:33.853+10:007 months has passed...7 months has passed. I curse the day I met him. I'm not angry. I'm merely disappointed as to what I've become. A recluse. A loner. A sad soldier of the night. Parading my tears to my pillow sheets. How pathetic. Yes, pathetic. So be it. At least I admit it. To myself. Im doing a bloody good job of getting rid of my friends. Or perhaps they were never my friends?? Who the hell knows. Who cares?<br />
<br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><strong><em>My dear, you blocked the sunshine now all I see is darkness</em></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><strong><em>I can't see anything at all, you ripped my eyeballs out for you to keep</em></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><strong><em>My dear, there is nothing left of me apart from emptiness</em></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><strong><em>I can't feel anything at all, I don't even have my eyes left to weep</em></strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><strong><em>Shame on you? No, shame on me for being a patriot of love</em></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><strong><em>The burning desire to love and be loved left nothing but a hole</em></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><strong><em>Oh, look around me. Everyone else is doing it. They call it love</em></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><strong><em>Truth of the matter is, it takes everything from you, even your soul</em></strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black;">I hope one day I can continue my journey and re-ignite the passion I once had to search for what they call love.</span><br />
<br />
Til then, fuck him and his words. My God is Great. May God's love be with him. I forgive. Soon I hope I will forget. I want to forget. I have forgiven. Now it's time to forget.AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-17854171516785247872011-09-26T22:53:00.000+10:002011-09-26T22:53:28.962+10:00Night of Hope<div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>I can't sleep tonight. Once again thoughts of him ache my head,bound by a desire to be with him, I tried to close my eyes but I am unable to think of anything else. It's like I'm being possessed by him. He truly captivated me and I am drawn to this deep mysterious well. No hope but possibility.</strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Like Dirty Vegas famously sang "days go by and still I think of you", that is exactly how I feel. There hasn't been a day where I have stopped thinking about him.</strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>There is no hope. No nothing. But lingering memories that won't seem to fade away. With each passing day, the pain slowly goes away but the fact remains he is slowly letting me go as I am slowly letting him go. It hurts. I miss him, like everyday. </strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>I usually love days off but these days I hate it as I have to find something to occupy my mind so that I don't have to think about him. A month has past by now, I'm sure I can get through it, eventually. I just need to have a positive attitude so that I can have a positive vibe to send out to the universe. No guy wants a mellow girl. I need the old ME back! </strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Tomorrow night will be the same thing, I won't be able to sleep as I will spend my thoughts on him and how I never wanted to lose him but whatever we do, we were never going to be able to make it together because he never fought for me. He never thought I was good enough to be with him. He was never sure of me and my love for him. His doubt became my doubt and I was already gone before I left. </strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>His presence won't leave me alone or perhaps I choose to dwell on it. I don't know. All I know is I deserve better. I deserve someone who has faith in me and will be proud of having me. I can't wait for that day to happen. I will make the one I love a very happy man. </strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong><em><span style="color: magenta;">Baby, these streets are dark tonight but I've got your hand to hold onto</span></em></strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong><em><span style="color: magenta;">It amuses you how I can't see at night but tonight I've gotta say it's bright</span></em></strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong><em><span style="color: magenta;">You led the way, step by step, with each footstep you take I follow your lead</span></em></strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong><em><span style="color: magenta;">Baby, we have come a long way, I've got a feeling tonight will be magical</span></em></strong></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-26280646372466679232011-09-09T23:32:00.002+10:002011-09-09T23:40:07.884+10:00Love Never Dies<div style="text-align: justify;">Fresh from watching Andrew Llyod Webber's "Love Never Dies" at the Regent Theatre courtesy of my bestfriend as a surprise present to celebrate I finally landed my dream job. Such a lovely thing to do, I will re-pay her with another surprise although I find it extremely difficult to top what she has given me, and I also believe it would be hard for any guy taking me out on a surprise date to top my bestfriend, I guess that's why she's my bestfriend! Haha! If only she has a penis and a broader chest we would make beautiful Eurasian babies!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Anyway, since I'm in the mood of dwelling on songs and the meaning behind their lyrics to me I've decided to post lyrics from the song 'Love Never Dies'. Sad tale of love that was lost but re-united again after such a long period of time, and even though both lives have changed, new chapters started, old chapters buried, yet their true love never dies, it lives on. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Do I believe in that? Yes I do. I believe that no matter what happens or no matter how faraway one can be, the heart will still beat faster for the one you love. Every single time you think of the person, you can't deny your true feelings. Time can't erase beautiful memories or even painful events. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">This song makes me weep. Makes me happy. Makes me hopeful. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; text-align: justify;"><strong><span style="color: red;">Who knows when love begins?<br />
Who knows what makes it start?<br />
One day it's simply there, a life inside your heart<br />
It slips into your thoughts<br />
It infiltrates your soul<br />
It takes you by surprise, then siezes full control<br />
<br />
Try to deny it, and try to protest<br />
But love won't let you go, once you've been posessed<br />
<br />
Love never dies, love never falters<br />
Once it has spoken, love is yours<br />
Love never fades, love never alters<br />
Hearts may get broken, love endures<br />
Hearts may get broken, love endures</span></strong></div><div style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br />
<strong><span style="color: red;">And soon as you submit<br />
Surrender flesh and bone<br />
That love takes on a life much bigger than your own<br />
It uses you at whim<br />
And drives you to despair<br />
And forces you to feel more joy than you can bear<br />
<br />
Love gives you pleasure and love brings you pain<br />
And yet, when both are gone, love will still remain<br />
<br />
Love never dies, love never falters<br />
Once it has spoken, love is yours<br />
Love never fades, love never alters<br />
Life may be fleeting<br />
<br />
Love never dies, love will continue<br />
Love keeps on beating when you're gone<br />
Love never dies, once it is in you<br />
Life may be fleeting, love lives on<br />
Life may be fleeting, love lives on</span></strong></div><div style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; text-align: justify;"><strong><span style="color: red;"></span></strong> </div><div style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; text-align: justify;"> </div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-70224242034894999682011-09-09T22:59:00.002+10:002011-09-09T23:05:07.690+10:00Songs, Lyrics and Memories Pt 2<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">My head is so full of ideas today I just want to spill them all as I know as of next week I will be busy working my ass off and won't probably jump on this for awhile. I want to re-visit my writing about songs that hold so much memory and that everytime I hear it, it gives me chills.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">This song was dedicated to me back in 2006 on my trip back home to Indonesia, I was away for a month. I was never used to not hearing from him for more than a day so I have to admit it was difficult to be away from him.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">We would still call each other almost every night, yet the more I speak to him for some reason the more angry I've become. I guess I was just frustrated for not being able to be with him and I felt as though he was coping fine without me. My insecurity got the better of me. It was until he played a song to me over the phone and expressed how he really felt being without me. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">He played Fort Minor's "Where'd You Go". I was speechless. He was much more miserable than I was. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">He was so passionately in love with me and I was petrified by it.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">D.D.D this one is for you. I remember he asked me (after things ended) how I could just be so cold towards him and leave him cold turkey, he said I left him to suffer for a whole year before I even wanted to speak to him again, and how I wouldn't return his calls,msgs and emails. He never understood how I was able to do that to him. Truth is, I don't even know but I just did. I switched off and marched on. Without him. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">We tried to be friends afterwards in 2008 or at least I tried by pouring my heart about another guy I was seeing, it was unbearable for him, but he thought he could stick it out so I would eventually see that he was the one for me, he always wanted more and I could never give him more. Once again, I had a love so precious yet I could never give him the love he deserves. It was another case of not the right love for me. He has met his true love now and I am extremely happy for him. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">I thank him for all his lovely memories, there wasn't a day where I didn't feel loved by him. Was I foolish for letting him go? No. I was thankful to have him be a part of my rainbow life. I hope he knows I still have his painting and it decorates my apartment just like his love decorates my heart.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6gG2ahJLBDWYD2ws_yqcnY9BAuCJTxYrH0woEqbb4IwzPO7FiKj0fWNpJiUSs3NAGXYXwi1lSBSFb4Q1DxoUk8th-Iz5NrIaEbdoauvU1mEJ6HwA23jQswWJTD-kfGyzlgWcRFg/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6gG2ahJLBDWYD2ws_yqcnY9BAuCJTxYrH0woEqbb4IwzPO7FiKj0fWNpJiUSs3NAGXYXwi1lSBSFb4Q1DxoUk8th-Iz5NrIaEbdoauvU1mEJ6HwA23jQswWJTD-kfGyzlgWcRFg/s320/photo.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="color: #20124d;">Where'd you go?<br />
I miss you so,<br />
Seems like it's been forever,<br />
That you've been gone.<br />
<br />
She said "Some days I feel like shit,<br />
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"<br />
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,<br />
I get along but the trips always feel so long,<br />
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,<br />
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,<br />
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,<br />
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,<br />
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,<br />
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',<br />
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,<br />
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"<br />
<br />
I miss you so,<br />
Seems like it's been forever,<br />
That you've been gone.<br />
Where'd you go?<br />
I miss you so,<br />
Seems like it's been forever,<br />
That you've been gone,<br />
Please come back home...<br />
<br />
You know the place where you used to live,<br />
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,<br />
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,<br />
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,<br />
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,<br />
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,<br />
I'm doin' fine, and I'm plannin' to keep it that way,<br />
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,<br />
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,<br />
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',<br />
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,<br />
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"<br />
<br />
I miss you so,<br />
Seems like it's been forever,<br />
That you've been gone.<br />
Where'd you go?<br />
I miss you so,<br />
Seems like it's been forever,<br />
That you've been gone,<br />
Please come back home...<br />
<br />
I want you to know it's a little fucked up,<br />
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',<br />
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,<br />
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,<br />
It seems one thing has been true all along,<br />
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,<br />
I guess I've had it with you and your career,<br />
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...<br />
<br />
Where'd you go?<br />
I miss you so,<br />
Seems like it's been forever,<br />
That you've been gone.<br />
Where'd you go?<br />
I miss you so,<br />
Seems like it's been forever,<br />
That you've been gone,<br />
Please come back home...<br />
Please come back home...<br />
Please come back home...<br />
Please come back home...<br />
Please come back home...</span></strong>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-34940546928304968402011-09-09T22:17:00.000+10:002011-09-09T22:17:52.903+10:00Take me to a happy place<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">It's officially been 2 years since I took off on my European adventure. Now I've got a new job and I've set myself a new goal. I am going to travel again in 2013. I remember being so motivated working because I was working towards something exciting. As I plan to conquer South America roughly in May/June this will give me roughly 18 months to save up. Definitely something that is achievable!</span></strong><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong><span style="color: #741b47;"> </span></strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong><span style="color: #741b47;">I want to go to many happy places again.</span></strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong><span style="color: #741b47;">I want to go on an adventure. Another journey. Another culture. Another country I will fall in love with.</span></strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong><span style="color: #741b47;">I remember sitting and enjoying the view from Graca Alfama in Lisbon, Portugal. It was magical. I felt like the luckiest person on earth. Just to sit there, on my own, hugged by the warmth of trees. It was my version of heaven. I want to be happy again.</span></strong></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgH2jr6Ih2tjx8uMZStSXMIgiWsvqmfaZetTSomPfahkPHt_rBpUYJI7959LDVSHrgJBqpXxo8N7g2NtPJXDRbn1sv_GjBTLGHeF8fS025S3PxdBTrw2hqvomE0yM7lAZWi2WWzw/s1600/Graca.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgH2jr6Ih2tjx8uMZStSXMIgiWsvqmfaZetTSomPfahkPHt_rBpUYJI7959LDVSHrgJBqpXxo8N7g2NtPJXDRbn1sv_GjBTLGHeF8fS025S3PxdBTrw2hqvomE0yM7lAZWi2WWzw/s320/Graca.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-8460153070769233372011-09-09T13:14:00.000+10:002011-09-09T13:14:41.076+10:00Songs, Lyrics and Memories Pt 1<div style="text-align: justify;">Music has always been a massive part of my life. I can honestly say I will die without music. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I was just laying on my bed when I remembered an old song, way back like either in 1999 or 2000. The song was by Vertical Horizon called "Best I Ever Had". </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">This song was given to me after I broke up with my xbf (in such a cruel manner I must add). Looking back, I don't know how I was able to be so mean and heartless, all I know is that now I'm paying the price for it. Karma really is a bitch.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I realized that back in the day, I used to be so mean to the people who loved me dearly, I don't know why I do that, I guess I take them for granted, I guess I can never understand why they keep taking a beating from my cruel words/acts. I keep taking their kindness for a ride!</div><div style="text-align: justify;">One thing I do know for sure is that I could never love them the way they loved me. It pains me to admit it and I can say this because I have experienced it myself, where I was much more in love with the other person than he was with me. Or maybe it wasn't that, maybe it was simply I didn't love him the way he wanted me to, and you cannot argue with chemistry, it's either you have it or you lack it.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now I have stopped doing that. Once I start dating a guy and I realized he was more into me than I was into him I let him go. He deserves someone who can give him the same kind of love. I hope one day I can find the one who loves me just as much as I do for him. That will create a beautiful relationship. We wouldn't need to seek elsewhere because we have each other and that is plenty!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I keep getting distracted, back to my point about the song "Best I Ever Had" by Vertical Horizon, my xbf said to me "Think of me when you listen to this song, I love you."</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">He wouldn't speak or see me after that. Who would have thought young love could be so painful to bear?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I just want to write down the sad lyrics:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>So you sailed away</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Into a grey sky morning</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Now I'm here to stay</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Love can be so boring </strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Nothing's quite the same now</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>I just say your name now </strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"></span></strong><br />
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>[Chorus]</strong></span></i><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>But it's not so bad</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You're only the best I ever had</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You don't want me back</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You're just the best I ever had </strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>So you stole my world</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Now I'm just a phony</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Remembering the girl</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Leaves me down and lonely </strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Send it in a letter</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Make yourself feel better </strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"></span></strong><br />
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>[Chorus]</strong></span></i><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>But it's not so bad</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You're only the best I ever had</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You don't need me back</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You're just the best I ever had </strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>And it may take some time to</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Patch me up inside</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>But I can't take it so I</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Run away and hide</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>And I may find in time that</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You were always right</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You're always right </strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>So you sailed away</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Into a grey sky morning</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Now I'm here to stay</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Love can be so boring </strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>What was it you wanted</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>Could it be I'm haunted </strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"></span></strong><br />
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>[Chorus]</strong></span></i><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>But it's not so bad</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You're only the best I ever had</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>I don't want you back</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>You're just the best I ever had</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>The best I ever had</strong></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><strong>The best I ever</strong></span>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-74117864408956695132011-09-04T17:27:00.000+10:002011-09-04T17:27:22.213+10:00Sunday 5:12pmJust one week ago I had my heart torn apart with lies.<br />
Today I am empty,I am sadness but I am not broken.<br />
5:12pm lying in my bed,looking out my window and I see a glimpse of hope.<br />
My eyes are tired,my head is heavy with thoughts of him,thoughts of us and thoughts of my journey so far. It hasn't been an easy ride. Then again, would I like a smooth sailing life? I can't say, haven't had one!<br />
<br />
He is gone. I have left. The room is empty but I can hear echoes of pain.<br />
No more joy to fill up. I think love is madness! Pure lust is evil! It crawls underneath my skin and I am unable to resist. Go on,says the voice in my head.<br />
<br />
His face is slowly fading away, I remember his chest,broad and warm. I loved resting my tiny body to steal the warmth. It's cold now, I should get going. I need to find something or someone else to keep me warm much longer.<br />
<br />
<br />
AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-43274244459594278752011-09-03T23:11:00.000+10:002011-09-03T23:11:12.095+10:00Excuse me, you dropped my heart<div align="justify">I haven't taken the time to sit here and write. I guess I haven't had much "me" time. But I have been collecting thoughts, words and memories in my brain. I just hope I have enough memory space and be able to put the pieces back together so I can write them down properly.</div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">The one vivid thought I had which kept re-occuring this morning (on my way to work, even at work!) was a vision of a man who ran towards me, stabbed my chest, just enough so he can stick his hand inside and ripped my heart out and ran with it. He ran so fast, yet I can see him holding my heart clearly, it was red, brutal red, and it slipped out of his hand. My heart fell down to the pavement but he kept on running, he mustn't have realized! I just watched my heart from a distance, still pumping. Refusing to give up. That was my heart.</div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify">What a vision. It reminded me of Anne Rice's novel "Queen of the damned" where Queen Akasha would viciously rip open a human's heart and just hold it in her hand for the sake of it. She would let the beating heart rest on her hand. She loves the idea of it. Sick, lonely vampire. She would chew it up eventually, I don't think she enjoyed the taste of it much, it was simply the satisfaction of being able to control humans lives. She was in control. She dominated those poor humans. Ok, enough Anne Rice talk. I can go for hours.</div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify">I don't know why I had the vision. All I can gather is that my heart has taken a beating yet I refuse to give in to desperation and surrender to heartache. Life really is how I make it. I choose to surrender to misery and drown in a pool of sadness and drama I exaggerated in my head. Now I say NO! I choose HAPPINESS. I choose to take the path to success and kick off my bad habit of relying on something/someone to try to be happy. I am a drama queen. But it is time to grow up. </div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify">This is a writing I wrote when I was listening to Kanye West & Jay Z's song "No Church in the Wild"</div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>My tears washed my face clean but my hands are still dirty</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>I wanted to get rid of the fear of being alone, how I was addicted to pain</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>He didn't need to bring his shadow, it only brought me doubt and sorrow</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>I wish I could untangle the mess, but everytime I tried, I failed again and again</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>I refused to believe I was unable to work it out, ah to hell with it</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>I let my mind wander to a happy state, and there it lies, in the back of my head</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>Brad, my hope, my escape travel. I like pressing rewind but I end up in circles</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>This is a vicious cycle. I'm bestfriends with imagination and fairytales</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>The end could not have been furthest from the truth I am about to spill</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>A new white piece of paper has been laid out and I have all the crayons</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>I'm hungry for the new feeling of desire, my lover, I will draw love hearts</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="color: magenta;"><strong>I carry all the colors, I promise myself to carve your name in hot pink</strong></span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-89252704407062566692011-08-18T23:09:00.004+10:002011-08-18T23:26:53.181+10:00Run Faster!I have long forgotten the amazing therapy running can give me. It has officially been months since I've actually been on an evening run after work. This evening I took the initiative to taste the night air and let the wind chill blow my cheeks. Oh boy, did it feel liberating!!! Not only did I feel the need to run off my massive dinner and dessert but I felt that it got rid of all the headache I've been dealing with at work, all the pain I've had to endure, well basically it re-energized me and I came home tired but I felt like I've competed and won 2nd place. Not 1st place as traces of bad memories and heartache trailed behind which forced me to run faster, and at times I feel defeated so I'll let my bad memories take 1st place!
<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-weight: bold;">You cannot catch me so quickly, I've prepared myself this time
<br />84 days of pain you caused comes trailing behind me, not far behind
<br />I feel tired, not once did I look back, my heart beats faster, my hands are cold
<br />It's amazing how darkness wants to take my spot, but I can run faster!
<br /></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-91954326318585599252011-08-18T22:58:00.001+10:002011-08-18T23:03:56.111+10:00Adele - Don't You Remember (Live at Largo)<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RDRwqTNLGDs?fs=1" allowfullscreen="" width="480" frameborder="0" height="295"></iframe>
<br />
<br />Beautiful song by the talented Adele.
<br />Her lyrics are hauntingly beautiful.
<br />
<br /><b>"Don't You Remember"</b>
<br />
<br /> When will I see you again?
<br />You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
<br />No final kiss to seal any seams,
<br />I had no idea of the state we were in,
<br />
<br />I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
<br />And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,
<br />
<br />But don't you remember?
<br />Don't you remember?
<br />The reason you loved me before,
<br />Baby, please remember me once more,
<br />
<br />When was the last time you thought of me?
<br />Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
<br />I often think about where I went wrong,
<br />The more I do, the less I know,
<br />
<br />But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
<br />And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,
<br />
<br />But don't you remember?
<br />Don't you remember?
<br />The reason you loved me before,
<br />Baby, please remember me once more,
<br />
<br />Gave you the space so you could breathe,
<br />I kept my distance so you would be free,
<br />And hope that you find the missing piece,
<br />To bring you back to me,
<br />
<br />Why don't you remember?
<br />Don't you remember?
<br />The reason you loved me before,
<br />Baby, please remember me once more,
<br />
<br />When will I see you again?
<br />AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-89101266193330583872011-08-14T15:38:00.005+10:002011-08-15T08:44:17.541+10:00In pursuit of happiness<div><div><div>Recent events have inspired me to write about how far a person is willing to go in pursuit of happiness.</div><div>Changes are inevitable in life, may that be with our surroundings or simply with ourselves.</div><div>What we found a sense of fulfillment 2 years ago may not be the case today. A job we might have found challenging 1 year ago may no longer be challenging. A partner in a relationship whom we seek comfort in 6 months ago may no longer be able to provide a sense of belongingness or comfort.</div><div> </div><div>So, how do we react to these changes in life? In a variety of ways! Some are proactive, some reactive and some just bury it as changing means taking a risk which of course comes with the 'unknown' and some people fear of the 'unknown' more so than others and rather not take the leap to change. Whichever suits really..</div><div> </div><div>Anyhow, I won't go into detail as to what being proactive and reactive looklike, I simply want to share a writing about a person's journey in discovering happiness and how each move the person makes affects the person surrounding him/her without the person even realizing the total effect of it.</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>I've acquired the taste of silence in my bed</div><div>All these sleepless nights I beg for answers</div><div>I said I control colors but I can't control red</div><div>All my days still cannot provide me answers</div><div> </div><div>Why is she in tears? Who is there to blame?</div><div>Mother, Father, please don't look at me that way</div><div>Tell me am I supposed to kneel down in shame?</div><div>Mother, Father, do be kind and show me the way</div><div> </div><div>I just want to keep on walking, I just want to try</div><div>She keeps following my steps so I decided to run</div><div>I want to keep my distance so I can say goodbye</div><div>She keeps on weeping so I whispered "I'm done"</div><div> </div><div>Guilt stabs my heart with sadness and I let it win</div><div>Someone steal daylight from me it has done me harm</div><div>Everyone deserves a chance, so please let me win</div><div>Another smile, another shot of being a selfish charm</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div></div></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-32489544586342691782011-07-20T20:30:00.005+10:002011-08-15T10:57:48.525+10:00I want to pretend<div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">He showed up with dirty hands and a half assed grin</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">I wanted to tell him that a bit of sunlight wouldn't hurt</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">How dare he spell out L O V E when my heart is aching</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">My wishes usually come true but no, not this time around</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;"></span></strong> </div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">I long for his tender touch, my God I want this to go away!</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">Traces of him don't belong, yet I can't seem to scrub if off</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">I told him to go away and return when I am no longer here</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">My heart wants to escape but I'm stuck missing him terribly</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;"></span></strong> </div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">I closed my eyes but he is still standing on the corner of my eye</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">I asked him to leave me be but I lied and want him here with me</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">I pushed him away, his face disgusts me but why am I unable to cope</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;">I want to go, I want to leave, I want to pretend that I can let him go</span></strong></div><div align="justify"><strong><span style="color:#cc33cc;"></span></strong> </div><div> </div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-13008177442909079582011-07-12T22:14:00.005+10:002011-07-12T22:50:07.361+10:00His hands slipped away<div style="text-align: justify;"><b>He whispers hope and desire to my ears.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>I pulled him close so I could share his dreams.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>The tingling inside my stomach bursted into tears.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>I guess reality is nothing like what it seems.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>He took me higher and I never looked down.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>We walked hand in hand and the road was so long.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Rest assured he would never let me frown.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>It felt so good, It felt so right, but it was so wrong.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>He touched my soul and his smile was my home.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>I could make it through each night by hearing his voice.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>I would follow his footsteps all the way to Rome.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>His hands slipped away, but it could have been my choice.</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-38004158286991436732011-07-03T20:46:00.004+10:002011-07-03T21:31:30.794+10:00The Water, Sun and Sand.<div>This is a short story I made while I was thinking about my trip to Spain. I decided to take a train to San Sebastian and check out the beach on my own. It was beautiful. It was a perfect day. I soaked up the sun and got pretty dark. I was proud of myself!</div><div>The story is between a girl and her lover. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><b><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">I didn't see him come towards me, but there he stood tall. He took me by the hand and together we made our way to beautiful San Sebastian. We soaked our feet in the warm water. His touch was gentle. My God such a pretty view. I looked at him as if we were to part tomorrow. No look of sadness in his eyes, simply a loving gaze to the future.</span></b></span></div></b><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">The water was still, my heart was beating fast, he held my hand tight, sweat dripping down his forehead. Perfect timing for a sangria I thought. How cliché. The dark man holding a sangria jug all morning is about to make another sale. So we sat, drinking sangria. Staring at the picture perfect view of the sun, sand and water. How they all complement each other. </span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">Do I complement him? Does he think I'm the sand? Ahh...I hope not. He could live without sand. But he can't possibly live without water. Then again he can't live without the sun either.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">What am I to him?</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">I sat. I drank a little bit more.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">I kept thinking.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">My head is spinning just a little bit. </span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">I think the sangria man put just a tad too much red wine. </span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">Water or Sun?</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">Does it matter? He needs both in his life. Could I possibly mean so much to him that I am both the sun and water.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">He finished his sangria. He is a big man. I'm pretty sure he finished it awhile ago.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">Should I ask him if he thinks I'm the water or sun? or errr...sand?</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">He stood up. He said the sun was too bright and hot he will go for a swim to cool off. He took his top off and asked if I wanted to join. Lucky I've got my bikini underneath. He carried me so I didn't have to walk on hot sand. </span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">I couldn't take it any longer. I had to ask him. So I did.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">He said "You are my sun, you bring me warmth with your smile, hugs and kisses, you are my water, you calm me down whenever I feel down or when I'm having a bad day, and most importantly you are my sand. Nobody really cares about sand, they stick on you and you carry them all the way home and it takes forever to get rid of it, but to me, it's like all those little things you do, your little habits, the ones you don't even remember doing, like how you constantly repeat yourself when you're telling a story, how you complain about your hair every second day. Those tiny things make you who you are, they actually make me laugh thinking about how naive you can be sometimes, they're so petty yet I can't forget about them.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">but I love that about you. You are my sand. Even after we leave San Sebastian, I will still carry some sand, much like I will carry this moment with you and your silly question."</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">There was my answer.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9061292.post-32371892525071574792011-06-14T10:23:00.003+10:002011-06-14T10:54:52.757+10:00Baby, Honey, Darling<div style="text-align: justify;">I couldn't cry last night. I really wanted to but my eyes had no spare tears to make me feel better.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Not even a drop of tear. I closed my eyes really hard and tried to squeeze the tears out. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I had to be satisfied with a blank stare. An empty stare. A foolish heart. Once again I let my heart take a beating, and boy was it a tough one. But now I've found my place. and it is not with him. Yet this is a lonely dedication to him. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>Baby, you and I look great together. Your hug is perfect for this miserable weather.</b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>Out of all the people, I secretly hoped it would be you, who would take the lead and together we can conquer the world.</b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>You smiled, I looked deep into your eyes, and there it is, paradise. Built just for us. When you took me by the hand, that's when I surrendered everything of me to you. </b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b><br /></b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>Honey, when you let go of my hand and went the other way, I closed my eyes and ran for cover.</b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>I waited for your return but you never did, so I said hello to darkness and goodbye to sunshine.</b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>It happened so quick, you came, built me shelter and you burned it down before I could even rest my tired eyes.</b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b><br /></b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>Darling, I am too tired to lift my head up. I just want to sit here and hold the nothingness that once was something. You changed your tune so I pressed mute. My whole life stopped. I thought you loved me. I really did. And my heart will eventually learn to forget how you loved me. </b></i></div>AEAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11107817836805229680noreply@blogger.com0